“Mom, aren’t you tired of your slavey Mom Life?”
This was a question asked of me by my son, Jake, one day a couple years ago. Over the years he has also called me a “Fun Sucker” and a “Wet Sandwich”. Yikes! These comments did hurt and certainly sound mean, but to me, he had insight . . . he was intuitively picking up on the feelings of stress and dissatisfaction I was experiencing.
As Moms and Women, where do we draw the line between serving our kids, families, and careers while still holding on to our own self-care and identity?
First of all, I want to set the record straight – in my former life (the life before kids) I was definitely fun (the dancing with lampshades on your head type of fun) . . . and adventurous . . . I lived in the moment and flew by the seat of my pants – I swear! (see lampshade picture for proof).
I get it, life happens, you have kids or a demanding career and before you know it, you are knee deep in the river of life . . . you start putting others ahead of yourself and before you even realize it, POOF!, you’ve completely lost who you used to be – “YOU”, are a distant memory.
Being true to yourself and self-care is HARD! Why is it so easy to show up for everyone else and so hard to show up for yourself? Does it feed your ego – make you feel worthy? Are you a people pleaser with the need to please? Are you putting everyone else first, then blaming them for your failure to reach your goals and dreams? Spoiler Alert – It’s really YOU holding yourself back!
If all this is resonating with you, then it’s time to focus on rebuilding your identity – become YOU, but even better!
5 Tips to help you get rid of your slavey Mom life:
Make a list of people, relationships and obligations that are no longer serving you. If you’re not sure of who or what this is, pay attention to how you are feeling after being around someone – are you drained? Do you dread certain obligations? – there’s your clue.
2.) SET BOUNDARIES
Boundaries or lack of them are a good glimpse into how much or little you respect yourself. Do you constantly set boundaries and then not honor them? Boundaries are your best friend. When setting a new boundary be clear, be consistent and let your behavior speak for you.
3.) MEDITATE AND REFLECT
Spend time meditating and/or enjoying quiet time alone. You can accomplish this by sitting quietly or taking a walk – use this time to reflect and invest in doing your inner work. There are so many apps for meditating but my two favorites are Insight Timer (Free) and Oprah and Deepak’s various Meditation Series (Free during the first time release of each series).
4.) DATE YOURSELF
Show up for yourself consistently – come on – I mean it! If you can’t rely on yourself, then who can you rely on! Set up a regular date time with yourself and try something new or revisit some of the things you used to enjoy doing. Art? Music? Skiing? Belly Dancing? Get creative!
5.) FOCUS ON THE FEELING
Ask yourself, how do I want to feel? Empowered? Independent? Loved? I would suggest spending some time writing down your values, categorizing them and then selecting the word from each category that really resonates with you. Each time you make choices in your life, ask yourself, “Is this in line with how I want to feel?”
Recreating YOU will take time – have fun with it . . . if something is not working for you, change it up, and keep moving forward. This year do yourself a favor and focus on YOU first . . . because honestly, “Aren’t you tired of your slavey Mom life?”
Blog by Kim McClure, Holistic Health and Wellness Coach. Kim received her coaching education from MUIH, Laurel, MD. and is a certified Sanity School Live for Parents Trainer. Sanity School teaches a Coach Approach to parenting Complex Kids. Learn simple and clear strategies to motivate your child or teen to reach for success. If you need Sanity or want to learn more about the program contact Kim at firstname.lastname@example.org or visit her website HealthSanityLife.com